Creating Calm from the Chaos….
One of the biggest problems for me when going through my break-up was the fact that I constantly felt like my fate was in someone else’s hands. My ex had made the decision that we were over after 17 years together, he worked away during the week and always came home at weekends and then one weekend he wasn’t coming back and we were over… my world was suddenly in turmoil because I genuinely didn’t know how to NOT be with him – we’d been together 17 years, most of my adult life.. how was I supposed to be just me? I lived in the house we bought together, we had a house together before that one which we sold and put the profit into this one, and because he was earning plenty of money it was easier to get the mortgage in just his name, after all we were going to be together for the rest of our lives, it was fine….. As it happens it wasn’t fine, because we never married (we were engaged but never got round to the actual wedding bit) I was entitled to nothing… the house I’d lived in for 15 years, the house I considered my forever home was no longer mine and I was threatened almost on a weekly basis that I was going to be thrown out.
At the time I bred and showed dogs, that was my income and my passion, I had about 15 dogs at the time and if I had to move finding a new place would be impossible.
Every week I was told that I had to move out, I was constantly threatened that he was going to move back and wanted me out, the fact that he had always hated the place because of its remoteness (something I loved) seemed to have no bearing on his actions anymore… I was now surplus to requirements and need to be gone… This period last years, I sunk lower and lower and my self esteem hit rock bottom.
One day I was walking my dogs, I was so depressed that I sunk to my knees, it was freezing cold and I was ready to just stay there until I was no more… that was rock bottom for me, it suddenly hit me that I was so low and miserable not because of something that I’ve done but because of someone else, someone deciding that I wasn’t good enough, and at that point I realised that How DARE someone have this much control over me? How DARE someone have so much influence on me that my life is not worthy without them, the thought to me was obscene! I was worth so much MORE than that… I walked the dogs back home and decided that enough was enough, I was not going to wait every week for someone to say where I could live and wait for my fate, I would take control and decide these things for myself…
I knew that getting a place of my own would be pretty much impossible with all my dogs so I started to look for fabulous homes for some of them. I adored my animals but financially things were very tough and they deserved better so I rehomed quite a few of my dogs and although heartbreaking it was the right decision for me and them. I then got rid of the car that my ex was paying for me – again the threats of losing it were too much so it went and I bought something for me, something with my name on it that no one could take from me.
I then started to look at places I could live, I knew there was no way I could stay in my home so it was time to go, I would move… and once I had made the decision it was like a weight was lifted off me, I was no longer someones puppet, I no longer had to be nice to someone because I was too scared of the consequences, I no longer had to worry that someone might turn up at my home and walk in…
Its really tough breaking up with someone, the hurt, the anger, the loneliness can feel overwhelming… but there is a way forward, and that way is to start a new chapter in your life, and the choice to do that is all in your hands, no one elses….
When you are ready to start your next chapter, come join my Facebook Page – Conquer Heartbreak where you can get some great tips and ideas about moving on… https://www.facebook.com/groups/ConquerHeartbreak/