Where in the Heartbreak Cycle Are You?

Posted on March 29, 2019 | 2 comments

Women often want to know how long they are going to feel miserable and sad, and although there isn’t a definite time for each stage there is a cycle of heartbreak that you need to go through in order to come out the other end transformed and thriving. If you know what the stages are then I believe you can address them and move on to the next stage quicker so that you are ‘Over Him’ quicker and able to move on with your next amazing chapter…

There are 6 Stages :-

Shock and Denial – Many women genuinely believed they had a happy marriage before they heard the devastating words ‘I want a divorce’ or ‘I don’t love you anymore’ It hits you like a truck and even if you knew things weren’t great its still a massive shock to hear its over, its shattering and impossible to believe, in fact many people pretend it hasn’t happened and refuse to believe its over.

Anger – Once the information has suck in we are angry because our egos have taken a firm thump, We feel rejected, hurt and our self-talk at this stage is all about how we are not worthy of love, not good enough for the other person, no thin enough, young enough etc. These thoughts are especially true when they admit to cheating or wanting to be with someone else, we ask ourselves ‘whats so good about them and why are they better than me?’ You can learn to release the anger in a healthy way.

Bargaining and Haggling – This stage can go on and on, for months, even years, we go back and forth making different offers to change and sort things out. You are still love with you other half at this stage and you want everything to just return to normal, back how it was. Unfortunately at this point your other half may even offer you breadcrumbs of hope, the break up may be difficult for them as well and they don’t want to hurt you but they DO still want to break up, those breadcrumbs they offer you are doing you no favours. At this stage you need to get in control and cut loose, otherwise this stage will just go on and on and only damage you further.

Grief/Loss – At this stage you have accepted the relationship is over and you know you need to move on, even if you don’t know HOW to move on at this stage. You need to come up with a plan to move on, otherwise you can get stuck in this phase for a long time and it can become habit to feel down and sad…. Get up, get out and get moving…

Moving On – This is where you get going with your moving on plan, you start thinking about the future in terms of just you, you may have even started dating and seeing other people.

FREEDOM – This is the ultimate goal, the bit where you are no longer affected by your ex, the opposite to love is indifference, you are now indifferent to your ex, who they see and what they do no longer affects you…. you are FREE!

If you need help with moving through the stages of Breakup then come join my Facebook Page – Conquer Heartbreak where you can get some great tips and ideas about moving on… https://www.facebook.com/groups/ConquerHeartbreak/


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  1. Wonderful article Claire, and so valuable to be able to validate those feelings as we move through each stage.

  2. A much more refreshing outlook on overcoming heartache. Rather than just focusing on the stages of grief/separation – you also include the aftermath, the positivity of moving on and emphasising this stage as ‘freedom’… which of course, is exactly what it is. An article that focuses on hope and not just survival. Uplifting and thoughtful. Thank you Claire!

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